It's happening...

I did it.

I was in the elevator with Parker this morning on my way to work. The door was about to open when I realized he had milk crusted around his mouth. Do you know what I did?

I licked my thumb and rubbed it off.

I walked out and stopped dead in my tracks...

What has happened that it is now acceptable for me to LICK my thumb and TOUCH someone's face?!

The forces of Motherhood are stronger than I was aware of.

How things change...

So I had all the boys at the park today with a good friend of mine, Meggan and her daughter, Margret. We had just come from lunch and bought some popsicles that we were happily eating. We were the only people there except for 3 boys - maybe around 9 years old. They were playing Hide and Seek around the equipment and trees. Meggan and I were talking about playing outside when we were younger and what a blast that was. We were saying that we had thought times had changed and kids didn't play outside anymore. We were saying how refreshing it was to be proven wrong and that times had not change at all!
Then...I heard something...a cell phone...but who? Who would have a cell phone at the park?
Then I heard a 9 year old voice: "Where are you you punk?! This is stupid. Where is Chris? Oh! Thanks!" and off he runs and finds Chris!

9 YEAR OLDS PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK ON CELL PHONES!!!!

I am sad to report to you my friends - times have changed.

And now for a history lesson...

I have tried so hard to learn everything I can about the heart. I have read about every congential heart defect, I have read about all of the surgeries...I have done everything short of making flash cards for myself (which would be funny...like a matching game: Hypoplastic Left Heart Sydrome goes with The Fontan!) I have done all of this to no avail. I can't retain any of it to save my life! It is just easier to say it is all "magic". I keep reading though -
I am intrested in the history of cardiothorasic surgery today and was doing some research this morning. It is interesting that it all "took off" in the last 100 years or so. For obvious reasons - previous surgeons tools included things like scissors and tweezers and I have learned this: you can't be moving around aortas and cornary arteries with scissors!

What is even more interesting and therefore the subject of this blog entry is that these medical pioneers, these men (and a few women)who studied so hard and had such incredibly brilliant theories...were absolute and total CRAZIES.
Case in point? William Forssman!
This guy was the first person to perform a cardiac catheterization on a human being. No one would let him practice on a real living human being (naturally).
So who do you suppose he catheterized?
Are you ready for this?
He did it on HIMSELF!!!

...oh...my...gosh...



In 1929 he numbed up his elbow, inserted a canula into his OWN antecubital vein, pushed the catheter through it until he FELT it hit his right atrium. Then he marched himself over to an x-ray and took a nice picture of it to prove that it could be done.



Do you know what he got for this monumentous discovery? Some new friends in white jackets to take him away and lots of medicine! Everyone thought he was just nuts. He won eventually though. He was given the Nobel Prize in 1956!

So as "nutty" as he was and most of them were I am just so thankful for all of the crazy heart doctors. How far they have come! What would the world be like without the brilliant and crazy right? We would be short one little bald guy that can make even grown men babble that's for sure.

Parker's Bad Night

Once upon a time, Parker used to sleep all night. Once upon a time I woke up in the morning and felt like I had been asleep. Those days are over...
Well - after nights and nights of Parker waking up every 2 hours we finally made an educated decision to embark on the Ferber Sleep Method. In this method, you let the baby cry for 5 minutes before going in. When you go in you don't touch the baby - you just tell them that you are there. You leave again and wait 10 minutes. The same rules apply when you return. You leave for 15 minutes next...and so on all night until they finally "learn how to soothe themselves and drift off to sleep".

We have tried everything under the sun to get him to go back to sleep (we even tried letting him sleep in our bed...but he just pulled our hair and screamed.)We decided we could let him cry for before going in to get him. Our logic was maybe he was not all the way awake and would fall back asleep if we left him alone. Jon and I decided to sleep out in the living room so we did not hear him until he was actually crying. We were obviously prepared for a LONG night.

Right on cue at 1:00am we hear Parker start to cry. "Do you think is a good idea?" I asked Jon. "He is fine - he'll go back to sleep. Let's just watch the clock" Jon reassured me. "I wonder what is going through his head" I said.

"Ug - why am I awake?! This just ticks me off to no end! Where is that dang pacifier? It's hot in here isn't it? Yeah it is definately hot in here. When Mom comes she'll turn on the air. Where is Mom? She is usually here by now. Where is that stupid pacifier?! Ok - this is getting ridiculous - where is she?! Maybe I should scream louder? It is so hot! Do you know what I am starting to think? Maybe she is gone. Maybe I am never going to see her again. Maybe she just left. That's what happened. I am alone. I am all alone. I will never be able to trust or love again. My heart is sad and my soul is ruined...I will never be the same again.

Needless to say - we let Parker cry for exactly 25 seconds.
Richard Ferber, obviously, is man with a heart of stone!

Where is the line between being a nice person and being a human speed bump and why is it that human speed bumps never see it?

I read a few message boards on this website called BabyCenter.com. There is one message board for babies born in January 2007 and the other is Heart Babies. I find all kinds of information about normal baby development for Parker's "normal" side on the January '07 babies and I get to vent, ask questions, and find strength on the Heart Babes board. I have come to a realization though. Today I was spending some time on the Jan. board and I can't tell you how many women complain, whine, and bring up every negative thing about their baby. There was a thread called "what anti depressant are you on?". Several of them have gotten divorced since January. Several of them wish they did not have a baby. They bicker, argue and criticize each other in all kinds of rude ways. It is just awful.
The mom's of heart babies though - these women are unbelievable. Some of these women have children who have had 3 or more open heart surgeries, their babies have all kinds of mental delays, they have been in hospitals for months on end. For them a cold could be fatal, every cardiology apt has the potential to change their life, every year their child get older comes with more and more risks. These women are amazing. Tonight one woman posted "BIG MILESTONE" and she was bragging in tears because when she asked her 11 month old son (who just recovered from his second open heart surgery this year) to give her a kiss he planted a big wet one right on her lips! These moms don't complain about their baby who doesn't sleep through the night - at least they are together at home! They don't complain about dirty diapers - at least their childs systems are working! They don't complain about the cost of formula or clothes - what in the world could more important to spend your money on! Every day - every mundane, boring, dirty and exhausting activity is cherished like it might not be there tomorrow. Can you imagine how hard it must be to love someone that might be taken away from you? They are so strong.
No matter how well Parker does throughout his life and how far away I get from the "heart world" - I will always remember these women. The ones who have lost their babies. The ones who are still facing multiple surgeries. The ones who are lucky like me and will watch our babies turn 1 and 21 and 31!
I guess the point of this note is to say that when someone is told they might not be able to keep their baby - and they do - the world is never the same. All of a sudden - they have all they need. I have all I need.

Parker and I are enjoying a week off from our "Nanny" gig. Yesterday to I took him to the park. We were sitting in the grass playing with Parker's dinosaur and he kept looking at the kid on the swing. Parker laughed every time the little boy, Spencer, went up into the air. It was the first time in my life as a mother that Parker wanted to do something and I wasn't sure if I was ready.
I walked him over to the baby swing - the black rubber one with four holes in it. "There is no telling what kind of sick kids have been on this" I thought trying to rationalize walking back to our safe little spot in the grass. "I don't even know that he wouldn't fall out of this thing. I would not be responsible to put him in there" I tried again. But Parker was busy kicking his legs and arching his back to get away from my arms with a HUGE smile on his face. He was so ready and I knew I was being silly.
So I put him in the swing and held his little hand and put my other hand under the swing. I just kind of *moved* it backwards and forwards as far as I could reach to keep my hands on him and the swing. He worked very hard to pry his hand loose from my grip - he actually pushed my hand away! So I did what I had to do - I let go of his hand and I let go of the swing - and I pushed him.
I swear I did not breathe as he flew backwards away from me.
He laughed and squealed the whole time. He had such a blast!

I can not believe how grown up he is now. I remember back when he was so tiny. He has come so far. He can roll over, sit up a little, stand on his feet, he gets sad when Jon leaves in the morning, he cries when I walk past him without saying "hi" or something, he likes bananas, he does not like peas, he sleeps with a monkey, he likes to play in the water - he is just this perfect little person. He is growing up so fast. I'm not sad about it though. I can not wait to see how he will be the older he gets. I wonder what he will be interested in. Sports? Art? Science? Reading? Music? Horseback riding? It is just amazing to me that at this time last year I was just finding out that I was pregnant and now there is this whole new person in the world. He lights up rooms everywhere we go. He laughs and talks to everyone. We never leave the house without someone stopping to talk to him. I am already proud of who he is I guess. I suppose today I just feel lucky.

Well - we are headed back to the park! Hopefully he doesnt get his eyes set on the monkey bars!

Road Rage

The other day I was leaving work in my car. I was minding my own business, listening to Sarah Evans. Well I was stopped at a stop sign and so was a car to my left and there was also a car behind that guy. So - being the law abiding citizen that I am, I waited for the car to my right who got there first procede through the intersection. Now, it was my turn. So I went. Only - so did the guy that was behind the first car! He almost hit me. The thing is he was MAD. Not just "roll his eyes" mad but he was absolutely furiously yelling at me. As luck would have it (or not have it) he was going to turn left at the approaching light and I was going to turn right so he pulled up right next to me while we waited for the light to change. He had his whole upper body all the way out of the window screaming at the top of his lungs - swear words mind you - while poudning his fists HARD on the side of his truck. I was actually scared. I didn't want to make eye contact with him, but I also didn't want to look away. My doors weren't locked but I didn't know if I locked them if that would provoke him more (as has been my experience with the homeless people I have encountered on the street).
Finally the light turned green and he peeled off. I couldn't help but thinking - why was he so mad. Obviously he was in the wrong anyway - I had the right of way, but even still..even if I HAD been wrong - why was he so angry? And who does he think he is that he can berate a young girl sitting alone in her car?
Moral of the story - be NICE to other drivers....... or you will end up a blog entry!