To those who have been checking and have noticed that I havent written in a week - sorry. It's been a rough one!
Every year I need some kind of change. It seems like when summer comes I just feel cramped and I need my environment to change. So we decided to rearrange our apartment this week! Which was unfortunate for Jon because after trying 4 different arrangments and moving our couch to every side of the apartment possible...we decided the way we had it was really the only way! So we moved some pictures around and a couple of smaller pieces and I feel happy! I learned this about myself though..I do not like unfinished jobs and I really don't like leaving a mess. I had to leave it messy one night because I was so tired I could barely walk and I woke up at 5 thinking about cleaning! I thought about it all day! I would rather work 12 hours one day and finish the job then work a few hours every day for a week...but that is what we have had to do as Parker does not like to be ignored! Hopefully tomorrow we will be done and I will feel like I accompolished something!
On another note -
I went back to Children's today to see a friend who's daughter also has TGA. Delany had surgery a week ago. I do not want this entry to be about it, but being there brought so much back. The smell...as soon as I walked through the doors of the PICU it just stuck in the back of my mouth. Everything about it was just...awful. The kids walking around looking tired and weak, the parents standing by just drained. Everyone has the same expression...the "what happened to us that we are here? how did this place become home?" look. It was just weird. I saw Delany and remembered when Parker was that little and that sick. I watched Jen and Kevin talk to her and try desperately to make her comfortable and I remembered when Jon and I were there. I was watching Jen and Delany and I realized that I was wrong. I was never strong enough to be in that room with Parker. All of this time I thought I was the one who found strength but after watching it all from the outside I know now Parker was the strong one. Little Parker was strong enough for all three of us.